Blossom and Bear Fruit!

Eggplant Blossom ~ Image: M Burgess

We take the events in our lives and use them as the mulch in our spiritual gardens or we sit in the cesspool of drama and never grow.

Negative impacts can be the justification to acting out in self-destructive ways or they can be the spring board to evolving into the person we want to be. 


Who are we really?

Are we the life stains that we carry with us or are we the accumulation of the experiences we have lived through, the things we have learned, and the blessings we have received for having endured? 

Time honored writers and masters of human psyche tell us we need to look past what happened to us and set our feet down on the path we earned, we deserve. Some of us are so put down within our character that the idea that we can achieve and have good things is out of reach. We are worthy of a good life. No matter what our feeling to the contrary are. That life may not include riches or material success but it can be an internal harmony. Day to day won't be always peaches and cream but we have a choice to make each day, each hour the best it can be and just enjoy being. 

Life is a wonderful adventure. When we look past what's behind us and let go of the weights that hold us back we can live free inside. We have a chance to make our own future.

Personally, I forget this. There are times when I am a complainer, a grouch, and a negative source of energy. For these things I need to give myself the wake up call. I have a great life now. I have the blessings of a great family, wonderful friends, a good job, my health is stable, and I am in a good home. These are the blessings in my life today. They weren't always mine to enjoy. Working for them hasn't been easy. There have been struggles of physical levels, financial, and spiritual. At times I have been angry with my God for leaving me in the darkened trenches fully drained and spiritual energy spent. All that remained was a spark of hope that things would get better. And they have. In such ways I never imagined. Today I am able to enjoy serenity in many ways.

I am an independent woman. I have survived emotional and physical abuse. I have faced rape and the humiliation of trial. I have been homeless and understand how frightening that can be. I have dealt with panic attacks and the stress that accompanies them. As of this day I have been free of substance abuse for over 7 and a half years. Today, this moment, I am a different person than the mess that walked into the rooms of recovery on October 17, 2004 and started a new life full of new ideals. A life worth having and a life worth sharing. I can relate to those that are facing loved ones that are hopelessly cast into the murky existence of alcohol and drug abuse and how heart breaking it is to not be able to do anything to help. They must do it alone or they must die. That is the hardest part about this process. I got it. The chance to change my station in life and reach for what ever it is I wanted to work for. Everyone has the power to do this if they would only take that chance.

I write this not only so I can sort out what I did to get where I am today but I want to let anyone who finds this know that there are ways to change your life to be better and healthier than it is today. The work is rough. It's a spiritual ditch you must dig. You will sweat, bleed ( maybe not physically but you will spiritually and mentally!), goals and choices you MUST make. The pay off is amazing! The results you are worth achieving!

I am looking back at a relationship that was with me from the day I walked into recovery. I thought I would never get out of it We broke up and we would get back together. For YEARS!!! this was the way my life was. This person drained me of self worth, attacked my personal choices, thought they had a right to dictate my home and my values through their opinions. (They did not live with me or support me in anyway). 

When I didn't choose to be the person they wanted me to be they would find something else to tell me what was wrong with me. This relationship thankfully ended last year and I have no need to re-enter that partnership. To do so would be the same effect of asking a dentist to reinsert and reverse a root canal on an abscessed tooth. Why would I do that? I have worked very hard to get out of that and let it die. I am healed. 

My goal when I finally was able to let go of this situation was to get more skinny, put more money in my bank account, and to get more blonde. 

Mission accomplished. 

Life has a funny way of working things out. Today I can get a phone call from that person and not cave into temptations to relive the pain that saturates it. I no longer want to exist for another person's internal need to have someone to dissect. I do NOT want to live in that past.

Like the eggplant flower leaning on the tomato cage in the picture, we need to find a support of some kind whether it's a 12 step program or a few good friends, a program designed for help in a specific area in our life, no matter, something to help until we are strong enough to stand on our own. Intake some good sunshine, (positive energy), good elements, and a good foundation. Rooted well and tended to wisely our spirit and our self worth can grow and blossom and eventually bear the fruit of a decent life.