Running To Nowhere

I ran to the dark. That window slid open and I left. I had nowhere

to go, not sure where I was going but I knew that it was time to exit. Home was becoming a treacherous place for me and I just had had enough.

Rustic Barn

I met up with a gal I met in one of my counselling groups and the next thing I knew I was in Phoenix. It seemed like fun at the time but I think back to the times I was so alone and vulnerable and I freak out knowing I could have landed myself in serious danger. I was a young teen then, 16 years old and naive. I had never been exposed to the world and I was about to find out how harsh reality really was. 

Up until this point in my life, I was in junior high choirs, attending my church activities, tried to run for student counsel, was on the volleyball team at middle school and at my church. I played softball on the church leagues. I was an active teenager who didn't know what else to do. My grades were slipping because there was trouble at home. I had 5 siblings to care for and pay attention to when I got home and I didn't have anyone to turn to. What were my answers?

Let me back track a few years here. A project for integration was introduced in the school system the summer I turned 14. I was to participate in a study where 6 white students were among a class of black students that numbered over 250. We were paid minimum wage to attend. These classes began at 7 am Monday through Friday for 4 weeks. It was uncomfortable. The tests we were given showed us to have basic knowledge of math and English so we were given a pass on those classes and given student aid status. I remember a class in the cosmetology rooms but not a whole lot else about that summer.

The one thing that stands out in my mind from that was my mother yelling at me for coming home to nap after classes. I was awake at 5 am to travel across the city. I arrived back home about 2 pm, exhausted. I was accused of doing drugs. I sought them out after weeks of this and started a chain of events that led to my being a runaway and a troubled woman later on in my life.

I won't go into deep details about my run at 16. Let's leave it to say I was roaming and ended up in California. I just drifted. I was not a hitch hiker so that helped keep me safe. I followed the highs and the booze. I was on a beach one day -- months after I had left home and an odd thing happened. I was seen by the boy I had been dating in Las Vegas. He called my mother and about 3 days later, I figured out it was time to call home.

This is one of the many examples of how I see God working in my life. How did I get on that beach where he could see me? What prompted me to call home that same week? After all this time - I can only say it was God pulling the strings. All along my faith kept me going in an odd direction and away from serious trouble. It was my faith that kept me standing in the darkest days in my life. It still carries me through...

Blowing The Dust Off An Online Journal

Hi, there. I'm returning to this, my personal column of Simple Terms. Simple terms aren't exactly simple as in only a few directions. Simple terms is simply put - a way of dealing with things that won't complicate life any further than necessary. This result comes about through a lifetime of standard human reactions and behaviors mainly mine and a few dozen others I have had to deal with in close quarters and in long lengths of time. 

I believe if you have seen a person do something more than a dozen times and it isn't necessarily the same person, the observation becomes a signal later down the road. Cause and reaction. If an egg drops on a floor it will break and splatter. (That is an easy one.) Human consequences is a complex thing. I know from experience that personal safety is a number one priority around sharp things, fire, and electricity. Some people may not always have this awareness. The circles I run in say that doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is insanity. I wholeheartedly agree. I am slowly and one by one breaking that cycle in my life and it has left me a bit isolated, but I have a lot more spare time to do other things because of this new change.

Gone Fishing

This must be the things a psychic sees in their forecast or feelings, this human behavior. There are a few of you now that want me to explain further and I shall not. It is the tripwire that always leads me to telling you to piss off and I have something else to discuss in the meantime... make that several things.

Gone Fishing

Yesterday was Father's Day and I failed to call my father for one reason or another. I feel terrible, but I had to work later on and I found myself trying to catch up and be on time. I did see him the night before and told him I looked at all those cards in the card section but found them silly and irrelevant to our relationship. I'm a rotten kid for not stepping up to celebrate with him, but duty calls. 

I find this picture image more fitting. My dad is the reason I love fishing and the reason I picked it back up this Fall. He will be the spirit in this chair in the not too distant future. I feel that he will always be next to me wherever I go. He is aging. He is not well. My fishing trips are my way of connecting to that father I knew so long ago that had a vibrant personality and strong body. He knew things. He could tell stories and he could fix things. My Father's Day tribute several years ago included one of his automobile projects. Read  The Mechanic and the Red Head on Hubpages. on Hubpages. Time and life defeated this noble man. He now toddles along like a large, half-silly bear and it is just killing my heart to see him. I love him dearly and will always. Being around him makes me very sad as of late.

My expeditions have been to celebrate personal milestones. I camped out at Eagle Valley to enjoy my 11th sober anniversary. It was just myself and the dog. My faithful companion, Wilbur, pleads with me each and every time I approach the door. Are we going yet? His eyes ask me as I step out the door and lock it behind me, off on my way to work. He scolds me when I get home because he missed me while I was away. He is the fluffy thing beside the chair in the picture. He, too, will be performing an exit soon. I am coming to terms with these things. The simple terms are this: life happens. Death happens. It is how we choose to deal with it that makes us victorious or victim. Produce good energy and good things in the time you have allotted here. Leave a smile behind as you go. That is what my father had tried to do all of his life and he has succeeded. This is also what Wilbur has done. They are both survivors of this - life. 

Read more of my writings at www.mariaburgess.com My writings and blogs are all contained here as well as purchase links for my first book, The Essential Window Painting Guide. It is a how to guide and chronicle of how I became a window painter. I write on a variety of topics and there will be more to follow!