Running To Nowhere

I ran to the dark. That window slid open and I left. I had nowhere

to go, not sure where I was going but I knew that it was time to exit. Home was becoming a treacherous place for me and I just had had enough.

Rustic Barn

I met up with a gal I met in one of my counselling groups and the next thing I knew I was in Phoenix. It seemed like fun at the time but I think back to the times I was so alone and vulnerable and I freak out knowing I could have landed myself in serious danger. I was a young teen then, 16 years old and naive. I had never been exposed to the world and I was about to find out how harsh reality really was. 

Up until this point in my life, I was in junior high choirs, attending my church activities, tried to run for student counsel, was on the volleyball team at middle school and at my church. I played softball on the church leagues. I was an active teenager who didn't know what else to do. My grades were slipping because there was trouble at home. I had 5 siblings to care for and pay attention to when I got home and I didn't have anyone to turn to. What were my answers?

Let me back track a few years here. A project for integration was introduced in the school system the summer I turned 14. I was to participate in a study where 6 white students were among a class of black students that numbered over 250. We were paid minimum wage to attend. These classes began at 7 am Monday through Friday for 4 weeks. It was uncomfortable. The tests we were given showed us to have basic knowledge of math and English so we were given a pass on those classes and given student aid status. I remember a class in the cosmetology rooms but not a whole lot else about that summer.

The one thing that stands out in my mind from that was my mother yelling at me for coming home to nap after classes. I was awake at 5 am to travel across the city. I arrived back home about 2 pm, exhausted. I was accused of doing drugs. I sought them out after weeks of this and started a chain of events that led to my being a runaway and a troubled woman later on in my life.

I won't go into deep details about my run at 16. Let's leave it to say I was roaming and ended up in California. I just drifted. I was not a hitch hiker so that helped keep me safe. I followed the highs and the booze. I was on a beach one day -- months after I had left home and an odd thing happened. I was seen by the boy I had been dating in Las Vegas. He called my mother and about 3 days later, I figured out it was time to call home.

This is one of the many examples of how I see God working in my life. How did I get on that beach where he could see me? What prompted me to call home that same week? After all this time - I can only say it was God pulling the strings. All along my faith kept me going in an odd direction and away from serious trouble. It was my faith that kept me standing in the darkest days in my life. It still carries me through...