Progress - not perfection - stay active

Sometimes the mountain we must climb is inside our hearts and spirit.
Image: M Burgess - Mt. Charleston, NV

It is progress, not perfection that we are trying to achieve.
-AA Big Book

Are we a better person today than we were yesterday,
last year,
or even five years ago? 

If the answer to this question is yes, then we are living true to our potential. 

If a person spends time learning new things they are progressing. Too many times people set aside learning as a disagreeable activity. 

My run into darkness taught me a lesson I will never forget. Sometimes, we make poor choices, and we often have to live a lifetime of consequences for these decisions. The results may not be known to those around you or be evident to new people you meet, but inside each and every one of us there is a history of things we regret, feel guilty about, or are ashamed of. These are not who we are. We are an accumulation of experiences, some positive, some negative. The energy that makes up who we are shines through if we continue on a path that is ever learning. Sometimes these thoughts and memories are like a mountain we must climb inside our hearts and spirit.

Ask yourself:

• What do you really want to know? 
• How much do you want to know about this world? 
• How can these things be accomplished? 

 -- Meditate -- Treat Yourself Well

Do you have a prayer ritual or a meditation routine? Is there a God or higher power at work in your life? If not, consider getting the spiritual base in your life solid. Begin with a peaceful morning and throughout the day, take a timeout -- even if it is only for five minutes with a pleasant thought in your head and a breathing action. The meeting I attended Saturday instructed us to breath in faith and breathe out fear. I like this better than the one one one one -- and and and and -- breathing method that I know. 

meditation and spirituality

Include positive statements in your waking moments and rituals.I have to constantly remind myself not to call me stupid or ignorant. I have begun to say it out loud, "Stop calling me that!" I shout sometimes. The way we treat ourselves is a reflection of how we feel inside at times. This may also be a clue as how we would treat another human being. Once we bridge that relationship to ourselves that enlightens us to take good care of our friend (meaning ourselves) a new world begins to unfold. From this point on we can have good relationships with not only inner self, but those around us. 

To Thine Own Self Be True

How do you do that?

Ask more questions  --  Make a list

• How can I better take care of this person? 
• What does this individual really want to do? 
• What do I excel at? 

Ask these questions occasionally. Guage your future decisions on these answers. Yes, put a wish list and a bucket list together. Do a to do list for today, for this year. Shelter your mind from poisonous thoughts and actions and call to action an effort on your person. Do three things today that can be achieved in a short amount of time. Take on the world a list item at a time. See where you can conquer items in your life that hold you back. Checking those things off of your list is a feeling of satisfaction and it can often be a way to tackle a bigger chore or task or even a college degree. 

This is where I am at now; at 48 years old, I decided I needed a degree. Education and employment rule my life at the moment. That and a pair of wonderful guinea pigs. We will get to those later. I have homework to do. 

Be good to you, ok? Oh, and remember to smile sometime today. 

Find something to make you smile or laugh when you get down. It is a healing thing and an emotional bridge to a better state of mind. The cares of this world get too heavy at times and must be set aside if only for a bit so the spiritual and mental faculties can be given a chance to regroup. Focus on what is really important -- the emotional state of your mind and your health. 

Upheaval and stress led me to do one of two things in the past: fight or flight. Today, I still squirm a bit when life gets difficult, but I have the ability to stand in one place today and not run and hide. Facing difficulties are not always easy, but they are worth it. 

Learn to be Brave! 

Blossom and Bear Fruit!

Eggplant Blossom ~ Image: M Burgess

We take the events in our lives and use them as the mulch in our spiritual gardens or we sit in the cesspool of drama and never grow.

Negative impacts can be the justification to acting out in self-destructive ways or they can be the spring board to evolving into the person we want to be. 


Who are we really?

Are we the life stains that we carry with us or are we the accumulation of the experiences we have lived through, the things we have learned, and the blessings we have received for having endured? 

Time honored writers and masters of human psyche tell us we need to look past what happened to us and set our feet down on the path we earned, we deserve. Some of us are so put down within our character that the idea that we can achieve and have good things is out of reach. We are worthy of a good life. No matter what our feeling to the contrary are. That life may not include riches or material success but it can be an internal harmony. Day to day won't be always peaches and cream but we have a choice to make each day, each hour the best it can be and just enjoy being. 

Life is a wonderful adventure. When we look past what's behind us and let go of the weights that hold us back we can live free inside. We have a chance to make our own future.

Personally, I forget this. There are times when I am a complainer, a grouch, and a negative source of energy. For these things I need to give myself the wake up call. I have a great life now. I have the blessings of a great family, wonderful friends, a good job, my health is stable, and I am in a good home. These are the blessings in my life today. They weren't always mine to enjoy. Working for them hasn't been easy. There have been struggles of physical levels, financial, and spiritual. At times I have been angry with my God for leaving me in the darkened trenches fully drained and spiritual energy spent. All that remained was a spark of hope that things would get better. And they have. In such ways I never imagined. Today I am able to enjoy serenity in many ways.

I am an independent woman. I have survived emotional and physical abuse. I have faced rape and the humiliation of trial. I have been homeless and understand how frightening that can be. I have dealt with panic attacks and the stress that accompanies them. As of this day I have been free of substance abuse for over 7 and a half years. Today, this moment, I am a different person than the mess that walked into the rooms of recovery on October 17, 2004 and started a new life full of new ideals. A life worth having and a life worth sharing. I can relate to those that are facing loved ones that are hopelessly cast into the murky existence of alcohol and drug abuse and how heart breaking it is to not be able to do anything to help. They must do it alone or they must die. That is the hardest part about this process. I got it. The chance to change my station in life and reach for what ever it is I wanted to work for. Everyone has the power to do this if they would only take that chance.

I write this not only so I can sort out what I did to get where I am today but I want to let anyone who finds this know that there are ways to change your life to be better and healthier than it is today. The work is rough. It's a spiritual ditch you must dig. You will sweat, bleed ( maybe not physically but you will spiritually and mentally!), goals and choices you MUST make. The pay off is amazing! The results you are worth achieving!

I am looking back at a relationship that was with me from the day I walked into recovery. I thought I would never get out of it We broke up and we would get back together. For YEARS!!! this was the way my life was. This person drained me of self worth, attacked my personal choices, thought they had a right to dictate my home and my values through their opinions. (They did not live with me or support me in anyway). 

When I didn't choose to be the person they wanted me to be they would find something else to tell me what was wrong with me. This relationship thankfully ended last year and I have no need to re-enter that partnership. To do so would be the same effect of asking a dentist to reinsert and reverse a root canal on an abscessed tooth. Why would I do that? I have worked very hard to get out of that and let it die. I am healed. 

My goal when I finally was able to let go of this situation was to get more skinny, put more money in my bank account, and to get more blonde. 

Mission accomplished. 

Life has a funny way of working things out. Today I can get a phone call from that person and not cave into temptations to relive the pain that saturates it. I no longer want to exist for another person's internal need to have someone to dissect. I do NOT want to live in that past.

Like the eggplant flower leaning on the tomato cage in the picture, we need to find a support of some kind whether it's a 12 step program or a few good friends, a program designed for help in a specific area in our life, no matter, something to help until we are strong enough to stand on our own. Intake some good sunshine, (positive energy), good elements, and a good foundation. Rooted well and tended to wisely our spirit and our self worth can grow and blossom and eventually bear the fruit of a decent life. 

Growing Up

My life at a glance 02/19/2012

Swing shift in Las Vegas makes it difficult to tackle what most people deem a normal life. I have to shop for groceries after midnight sometimes and the things I must tend to on the 9 to 5 hours are jammed into the 2-3 days off I am allotted every week. I live an interesting schedule. Try to add a relationship to that and it gets challenging. I have a special someone in my life at this time I only see once a week as he is on a similar schedule only he works more hours than I do. 

Growing Up:

My purpose for this blog is to streamline the emotions I feel about my current situation and to examine my life goals and perhaps set some new goals for balancing out the worn and frustrated energies that cause disharmony. I live a great life. I have wonderful people in my social circle and I want to be a comfortable benefit to them instead of an emotional burden. Bringing peace to my inner self and sharing kindness to those I am involved with are my objective.

First of all, I have positive influences to gleen advice from. I am interested in a healthy living environment from the way I treat my mind and body to the way I live at home and associate myself with like minded souls. I have at my disposal many sources of how to live a happy, joyous, and free life. I have, also, the strength I have developed over the challenging years of my life and courage to face down many of the hardships I lived through in these times. I have survived many heavy emotional obstacles and risen through them with grace. I know that through a positive outlook things that seem unbearable, unjust, or wrong are hiding a wonderful blessing. I must simply trust that I can get through it. 

Prayer and meditation are important tools in living free of the emotional weights that hold us down from enjoying our lives fully. I have practiced these techniques and have enjoyed vast benefits from doing so. I want to implement this back into my daily activity. Spiritually minded I can heal the hurts I have endured and set aside the negative emotions that hold me back from enjoying a life that I truly have earned through the hard work I have set forth. I have a strong belief in a loving and merciful God. This faith has helped me where no other source dared go.

I watched "The Secret" the other night. This along with some of the other positive spiritual books, movies, programs are what I am using to guide myself. The purpose of all of this is to reflect what I have learned and let it rule my life. Life led on emotional turmoil is not a life but a series of storms fit to destroy good things.

These are some of my mantras recently:

I will be happy. I will love. I will learn. I will enjoy. I will earn. I have a good life. I have a good love. I have a good family. I have a wonderful life. 

So, I shall take a new journey. Where this ends up I do not know, but it seems like it's off to a good start. 

In the following blogs I will examine some of the things that have weighted me down over the years. Some of these have been addictions. Addictions to emotions, substances, things, people, and excuses are just as destructive as any drug or alcohol problem. Freeing my mind and spirit of compulsive behavior is my assignment. Successfully shedding them is the goal.