Blossom and Bear Fruit!

Eggplant Blossom ~ Image: M Burgess

We take the events in our lives and use them as the mulch in our spiritual gardens or we sit in the cesspool of drama and never grow.

Negative impacts can be the justification to acting out in self-destructive ways or they can be the spring board to evolving into the person we want to be. 


Who are we really?

Are we the life stains that we carry with us or are we the accumulation of the experiences we have lived through, the things we have learned, and the blessings we have received for having endured? 

Time honored writers and masters of human psyche tell us we need to look past what happened to us and set our feet down on the path we earned, we deserve. Some of us are so put down within our character that the idea that we can achieve and have good things is out of reach. We are worthy of a good life. No matter what our feeling to the contrary are. That life may not include riches or material success but it can be an internal harmony. Day to day won't be always peaches and cream but we have a choice to make each day, each hour the best it can be and just enjoy being. 

Life is a wonderful adventure. When we look past what's behind us and let go of the weights that hold us back we can live free inside. We have a chance to make our own future.

Personally, I forget this. There are times when I am a complainer, a grouch, and a negative source of energy. For these things I need to give myself the wake up call. I have a great life now. I have the blessings of a great family, wonderful friends, a good job, my health is stable, and I am in a good home. These are the blessings in my life today. They weren't always mine to enjoy. Working for them hasn't been easy. There have been struggles of physical levels, financial, and spiritual. At times I have been angry with my God for leaving me in the darkened trenches fully drained and spiritual energy spent. All that remained was a spark of hope that things would get better. And they have. In such ways I never imagined. Today I am able to enjoy serenity in many ways.

I am an independent woman. I have survived emotional and physical abuse. I have faced rape and the humiliation of trial. I have been homeless and understand how frightening that can be. I have dealt with panic attacks and the stress that accompanies them. As of this day I have been free of substance abuse for over 7 and a half years. Today, this moment, I am a different person than the mess that walked into the rooms of recovery on October 17, 2004 and started a new life full of new ideals. A life worth having and a life worth sharing. I can relate to those that are facing loved ones that are hopelessly cast into the murky existence of alcohol and drug abuse and how heart breaking it is to not be able to do anything to help. They must do it alone or they must die. That is the hardest part about this process. I got it. The chance to change my station in life and reach for what ever it is I wanted to work for. Everyone has the power to do this if they would only take that chance.

I write this not only so I can sort out what I did to get where I am today but I want to let anyone who finds this know that there are ways to change your life to be better and healthier than it is today. The work is rough. It's a spiritual ditch you must dig. You will sweat, bleed ( maybe not physically but you will spiritually and mentally!), goals and choices you MUST make. The pay off is amazing! The results you are worth achieving!

I am looking back at a relationship that was with me from the day I walked into recovery. I thought I would never get out of it We broke up and we would get back together. For YEARS!!! this was the way my life was. This person drained me of self worth, attacked my personal choices, thought they had a right to dictate my home and my values through their opinions. (They did not live with me or support me in anyway). 

When I didn't choose to be the person they wanted me to be they would find something else to tell me what was wrong with me. This relationship thankfully ended last year and I have no need to re-enter that partnership. To do so would be the same effect of asking a dentist to reinsert and reverse a root canal on an abscessed tooth. Why would I do that? I have worked very hard to get out of that and let it die. I am healed. 

My goal when I finally was able to let go of this situation was to get more skinny, put more money in my bank account, and to get more blonde. 

Mission accomplished. 

Life has a funny way of working things out. Today I can get a phone call from that person and not cave into temptations to relive the pain that saturates it. I no longer want to exist for another person's internal need to have someone to dissect. I do NOT want to live in that past.

Like the eggplant flower leaning on the tomato cage in the picture, we need to find a support of some kind whether it's a 12 step program or a few good friends, a program designed for help in a specific area in our life, no matter, something to help until we are strong enough to stand on our own. Intake some good sunshine, (positive energy), good elements, and a good foundation. Rooted well and tended to wisely our spirit and our self worth can grow and blossom and eventually bear the fruit of a decent life. 

Surviving

Turning from victim to survivor whether we are the ones victimizing ourselves through our choices or we are subject to life's unwelcome harshness isn't an easy process but it can be done. Being a survivor is a personal victory that no one else can do for you.

I know too many people who let the perpetual martyr rule their energies and attitudes. Taking the path out and becoming the person you want to be takes a lot of work. It takes a sense of focus on what you really want out of life and a lot of digging to get your mind wrapped around what it is going to take to put you there.

Set a goal. Make a list. I have my list and systematically over the past couple of years I have crossed  a lot things off of it. It's a bucket list of sorts, but it is, also, a to do list. I have been able to get some organizing done so I can get to other projects.

We spend so much time projecting what will be and what happened to us that we fail to see what's really in front of us at the moment. Taking that old persona and walking away from it will need the courage of creating new habits.

I have walked away from bad relationships, endured some abusive situations, and survived some harsh events in my life. Of those times, I have heard similar tales from others and they still cling to it like an insecurity blanket. They give themselves an excuse to live a crappy life.

We have a choice. Be happy with what we have or suffer. I personally choose to be happy. This option doesn't happen on it's own, however, it takes work. I wake each day and my attitude is terrible some days. Those days are the ones that hide the deepest blessings.They are the ones that make me feel the most alive At some point during my day I will remember.  They uncover memories of where I was at one time and how grateful and blessed I am to be where I am today.

Drop the history and walk away from things that are harmful to your spirit and your mind. You deserve a great life and you can build one for yourself. If you only try!

Growing Up

My life at a glance 02/19/2012

Swing shift in Las Vegas makes it difficult to tackle what most people deem a normal life. I have to shop for groceries after midnight sometimes and the things I must tend to on the 9 to 5 hours are jammed into the 2-3 days off I am allotted every week. I live an interesting schedule. Try to add a relationship to that and it gets challenging. I have a special someone in my life at this time I only see once a week as he is on a similar schedule only he works more hours than I do. 

Growing Up:

My purpose for this blog is to streamline the emotions I feel about my current situation and to examine my life goals and perhaps set some new goals for balancing out the worn and frustrated energies that cause disharmony. I live a great life. I have wonderful people in my social circle and I want to be a comfortable benefit to them instead of an emotional burden. Bringing peace to my inner self and sharing kindness to those I am involved with are my objective.

First of all, I have positive influences to gleen advice from. I am interested in a healthy living environment from the way I treat my mind and body to the way I live at home and associate myself with like minded souls. I have at my disposal many sources of how to live a happy, joyous, and free life. I have, also, the strength I have developed over the challenging years of my life and courage to face down many of the hardships I lived through in these times. I have survived many heavy emotional obstacles and risen through them with grace. I know that through a positive outlook things that seem unbearable, unjust, or wrong are hiding a wonderful blessing. I must simply trust that I can get through it. 

Prayer and meditation are important tools in living free of the emotional weights that hold us down from enjoying our lives fully. I have practiced these techniques and have enjoyed vast benefits from doing so. I want to implement this back into my daily activity. Spiritually minded I can heal the hurts I have endured and set aside the negative emotions that hold me back from enjoying a life that I truly have earned through the hard work I have set forth. I have a strong belief in a loving and merciful God. This faith has helped me where no other source dared go.

I watched "The Secret" the other night. This along with some of the other positive spiritual books, movies, programs are what I am using to guide myself. The purpose of all of this is to reflect what I have learned and let it rule my life. Life led on emotional turmoil is not a life but a series of storms fit to destroy good things.

These are some of my mantras recently:

I will be happy. I will love. I will learn. I will enjoy. I will earn. I have a good life. I have a good love. I have a good family. I have a wonderful life. 

So, I shall take a new journey. Where this ends up I do not know, but it seems like it's off to a good start. 

In the following blogs I will examine some of the things that have weighted me down over the years. Some of these have been addictions. Addictions to emotions, substances, things, people, and excuses are just as destructive as any drug or alcohol problem. Freeing my mind and spirit of compulsive behavior is my assignment. Successfully shedding them is the goal.